Family Theory and How it Effects Us

Family Theory Analysis

The purpose of this post is to highlight relations of the Family Systems Theory to a fictional family. The Family Systems Theory is the idea that states that everything that happens to an individual in a family impacts all other members of the family as well because all members of the family are interconnected and work together as a group. Many terms will be discussed such as boundaries, interconnection, subsystems, outside systems, implicit, and explicit goals. I chose to analyze a family that was familiar to me but in a new way. I have always loved the classic story of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, recently I have discovered a remake of this wonderful story that is set in India. The diverse cultures and opinions of the characters made for a prime study of this family system.

Like stated before, this movie is set in India, Amritsar to be more specific, and is focused around the Bakshi family. With four unmarried daughters, Mrs. Bakshi is solely focused on finding wealthy suitors for them, no matter of her daughter’s opinion of the man. Mr. Bakshi is kind and quiet and usually more sympathetic to his daughter’s opinions. Jaya Bakshi (the eldest daughter) is the crowning jewel of the family, loved by all not only for her looks but her kind and accepting heart. Lalita is the second oldest and she knows what she wants. She has strong opinions and will stand up for what she believes to prove a point, even if it prevents her from learning the truth. Lakhi Bakshi is rambunctious and a miserable flirt. She loves pushing the limits with what she wears and how she acts. Maya is the last daughter of the Bakshi family and she is always watching out for Lakhi, telling her what is and is not appropriate. The dynamics of this family are diverse, but I believe that that is true for most families. Over the course of the movie you see how these diversities affect the family’s individuals, their subsystems, and the family as a whole.

Part of the culture in India, as displayed in this movie, exemplifies a loose family boundary, creating an open family. But this is only to some degree, because there are also evidences of a closed family boundary as well. The family as a whole seems to have a prejudice against anyone who is not Indian  thus being closed off to those individuals. There are many scenes in which the family is participating in local customs such as parties and dances, they even travel all the way to the United States for the wedding of a dear friend, a friend who had become like a sister to the daughters of the Bakshi family. On the other hand, there are also numerous times in which a closed boundary is exemplified to non-Indians. Such as when Lalita meets Will Darcy (story’s main male protagonist) for the first time and she automatically makes the judgement of him that he is arrogant and conceited, taking everything he says and twisting it into an insult either towards her or her culture. The family boundary is very fluid in this movie, depending on who is the subject in question, you can see that the closed personalities of the daughters come from the kind of family that they were raised in and makes it easier to understand why they make the choices that they do.

Because the Bakshi family in general is closed off to new ideas and people, this creates interconnection between the six of them. Each member of the Bakshi family is so invested in the other’s lives that no matter how big or small changes that happen to an individual of the family, it affects the family as a whole. Towards the latter end of the movie, one of the younger daughters, Lakhi, runs away with a young man who does not have good intentions for her. At this point in the storyline Lahki is vacationing with only part of the family in London. Upon hearing what has happened, Mr. Bakshi flies all the way to England to find her. Mrs. Bakshi falls ill and has to stay in bed and all other members of the family put aside their own troubles and put all efforts into finding Lakhi. This creates stress for all members of the family and they as a whole are in distress until she is found. In many ways interconnection in a family is a great thing. When a familial unit is interconnected they always have a support base and someone to rely on. In some instances though, interconnectedness can seem overbearing and sometimes unnecessary. The Bakshi family has great examples of both and helps us to learn what is good and what can be a little unhealthy.

Within the movie Bride and Prejudice, there are some obvious subsystems, or groups within the Bakshi family. First of all Mr. and Mrs. Bakshi separate themselves as the parents and the heads of the household. Jaya and Lolita are another subgroup, their opposite attitudes but similar core values draw them together and they share most everything. Then we have the youngest two daughters in another subgroup, Maya distinguishes herself as a protector of Lakhi. I can see similar subgrouping in my own familial relationships. The brothers born right before and right after me and I are very similar in our attitudes and behaviors and the older three children in my family are likewise in their own respect. In seeing the Bakshi family work together despite these subgroups helps me to recognize how my family does the same. Even though  members of a family can have differing ideas and passions, they can work together to see the value in each other and their relationships.  

Outside systems are groups apart from the family unit, and there is a most prominent example within the storyline of Bride and Prejudice. Throughout the movie’s entirety there is an underlying theme that is true to the culture of India. From the beginning of the movie there is a sense of competitive culture not just to get all the daughters married, but get them married to wealthy suitors who can support the rest of the family. The opening scene is set at a wedding of a friend where a single and wealthy young man has come to visit. There is a part where a group of mothers are all sitting together discussing who’s daughter would be best matched with the rich young suitor. Later in the movie a man comes to their home looking for a woman to be his bride. Mrs. Bakshi is thrilled with the idea because of his wealth despite his lack of manners and decency. It is almost as if there is a stigma of “keeping up with the Jones’”, at least in the parental point of view where their daughter’s husband has to be better than others in the community. This stigma is true in our culture as well and it can affect our family systems drastically. Outside systems can be beneficial to family relationships and they can also be detrimental. We must be aware of the outside influences on our families and make sure that values and culture are neither one compromised.

I believe that most every family has implicit or implied goals and rules. In the Bakshi family for instance, it was an implicit rule that culture came before everything else. That is why there was a prejudice against non-Indians and why Mrs. Bakshi was so insistent on her daughters marrying an Indian suitor. In minor contrast to that rule Lolita had a goal of her own, to marry for love, no matter to whom it was. She turned down two marriage proposals because of a lack of love for the men. Implicit goals and rules can be implied through the culture and society surrounding the family. For example, in our society, it is an implicit rule that everyone goes to college to get a good job, but in other cultures and societies that is not as important or foundational.

Where there are implicit rules and goals, there are almost always explicit ones as well. Explicit goals and rules are stated clearly and leave little to no room for confusion or doubt. There is a scene close to the beginning of the movie that shows the girls getting ready for a party and Lahki is wearing a sari that is too revealing for her mother’s taste. Mrs. Bakshi tells Lahki straight out that she is not aloud to wear that outfit because it is inappropriate. This could be an example of an explicit rule. Another example might be how verbal Mrs. Bakshi is about her main goal to marry off her daughters. She talks over and over about it throughout the film, her one purpose in life seems to be finding husbands for her daughters. Explicit goals and rules can be very beneficial in a family system. They allow for a chance to explain reasoning for the rules or goals because they are talked about openly. Because Mrs. Bakshi was so open with her family about her goals, they were able to understand the reasoning why she did so many things that she did. Likewise in our family systems, when we know and talk about each other’s goals and household rules, we can better comprehend the background of people’s why’s.

Learning to recognize different parts of the family systems theory helps us to understand how our lives and decisions affect our families and those around us. As is evident in the film Bride and Prejudice with the Bakshi family, we learn that when we become aware of these characteristics we can have a happy and healthy family life.